5 must-read books on love and relationships

I love love. I recently read an extract that perfectly sums up my reasons for loving love: 
“Love is not an emotion. Emotions are temporary and ever-changing, twirling, and fluttering like feathers drifting through the wind. Love, real and true, is neither brief nor momentary. It is incessant, perpetual and persistent. 

It is deep. It is the discovery of fears and insecurities. The exploration of vulnerabilities and sensitivities. The transformation of “I” and “me” into “us” and “we”. The intertwining of needs. Difficult conversations anchored by trust, loyalty, and honesty. It is the death of the single life and the formulation of a dyad, a couple, a partnership. 

It is trust. Do what you say you will. Be where you say you are. Arrive when you say you will. Be with who you say you are. Support is given and received. Loyalty is unwavering. Faithfulness is not up for interpretation, speculation, or in need of interrogation. And should there be a fall, there will never be a break—commitment and resiliency cement the foundation. 

It is delightful. It is electricity in the eyes, cuddling late at night, the off-the-cuff remarks fuelling laughter for a lifetime. It is holding hands under the stars. It is PDA in someone else’s front yard. It is blowing kisses. It is that inside joke no one else understands. It is the thing only we know. It is viewing each other in ways the world is unable. 

It is mature. Forgiveness is mastered. Tolerance is practiced. Listening and understanding triumphs hearing. Mistakes are learned from. Truth is pervasive. 

It is not an emotion. It is neither an action, choice, nor decision. It does not rest in a category to be superseded by some overarching concept. No, love is the granddaddy of them all. Love is the headlining event. Love is the featured attraction. Love is the main course. Love is simply love.” (Marco Hoilett) 

Almost every time I read this passage, I have teeny-tiny droplets in my eyes and goosebumps all over. I am enamoured by the various definitions and understandings of love. We’re all navigating our way through the nuances of being in a relationship, and understanding what works best for us. It is a constant process of learning, unlearning, and growing together. There’s a lot that comes with being in a relationship, and we’re here to help you decode it. Here is a list of books that will help you navigate through your ideas of love, creating a healthy relationship and more. 

8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty

In a Bazaar India interview, Jay Shetty redefined love for us. Here’s what he said, "For me, when you love someone, they fall more in love with themselves, not more in love with you.” His book, 8 Rules of Love, deconstructs love and its many facets for us. He doesn’t feed in to the ethereal notions of love (though they may continue to be a powerful force in our lives), but rather offers a step-by-step guide to nurture love. Starting with an emphasis on self-love and solitude, to understanding the values and purpose of oneself and their partner, overcoming toxicity, and giving love despite all that you have been through.
 
The Five Love Languages: The secret to love that lasts by Gary Chapman 

We’ve often been asked what our love language is, and often, we may have more than one answer. The concept was introduced by American author, Dr Gary Chapman, who wrote the book Five Love Languages. These include: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, and quality time. The book offers a guide to understanding your love languages so that you can communicate with your partner how you want to be loved and vice versa. Ultimately, it is about understanding each other’s needs and arriving at a middle-ground. 

Love, sex and staying warm: Creating a vital relationship by Neil Rosenthal

Written by relationship/marriage counsellor Neil Rosenthal, Love, Sex and Staying Warm is the perfect toolkit for those who want to re-ignite the spark or strengthen their relationship. Every relationship has a "honeymoon phase”—the time at the start of the relationship, when flirting is a default and date nights are a given. However, over time, we have a tendency to become complacent or habituated to the relationship. We fail to realise that a relationship requires nurturing and effort every step of the way. This book is brimming with lessons on what to do if you’ve grown apart with your partner. 

Tell me more: Stories about the 12 hardest things I’m learning to Say by Kelly Corrigan 

In her book, Tell Me More, New York Time best-selling author, Kelly Corrigan sets out to define the terms and phrases to use and say that make love and connection possible. The book is a collection of personal essays that talk about the ups, downs, messy situations, endless laughter, and everything in between interspersed with themes of hope and humour. These lessons help the reader navigate the world of love and relationships. Bringing her personal experience to the front, she delves deep into what most of us are seeking—love, connection, and a way to deal with losses. 

Ask a Queer chic: A guide to sex, love and life for girls who dig girls by Lindsay King-Miller 

Based on the column by the same name, this book is a collection of essays that offer a guide to navigate the long-found conditioning by parents, bizarre notions of love provided by rom-coms for all queer women, and their straight/cis friends. Written by Lindsay King-Miller, the book covers all bases (pun intended) from giving advice on coming out, first-times, same-sex marriages, and more.