Fortified by fortitude: Neena Gupta on being her daughter's silent supporter as she came into her own

How does a parent protect a child from the world of adolescent cruelty? What does a mother do if a child is so paralysed by her appearance that she can't step out of the house? And then what does she do if the child wants to join the glamour world? Actor Neena Gupta has faced all these quandaries with fortitude..

Her daughter Masaba is grateful now for her mother's silent and unwavering support all those years ago. "She took me to meet 17 to 20 doctors, she saw me crying, saw me changing the lights in the bathroom. If she had ever been nasty to me, I would have been damaged forever." Neena, now 63, remembers that time. "Masaba was a very quiet child," she says. "Even if someone bullied her in school or teased her, she never told me. That was a time when I was very busy with my work in television. I would leave home early and come back late because I wanted to give her everything I could. My father was at home thankfully to manage things, But Masaba never complained about anything, I gave her whatever I could and she was always satisfied."

Neena, famously a single mother, thanks the honesty that was the foundation of their relationship. "I never said anything bad about her dad. I told her the truth so she was always secure," says Neena, who has seen a resurgence in her acting career after the tremendous success of Badhaai Ho, a 2018 sleeper hit in which she played an older woman who has a surprise pregnancy. She goes on: "Masaba never told me her inner thoughts but I was always worried about her acne and the long hours she spent playing tennis which I felt would adversely affect her skin. I must have taken her to every skin doctor in Mumbai for her acne, and some would recommend pills. I was a little orthodox and wasn't very happy about pills for such a young girl. There were days when her acne was so bad that she wouldn't leave the house. I remember one Diwali in particular. She never told me but she was called curly top in school and bullied because of her body type. But she is a fighter and she never gave up."

It didn't help that Neena's friends were connected to the film world. All the children wanted to be like their parents, glamorous and famous. But Neena was sure there was no place for a heroine who looked like Masaba in an industry that venerated fair and thin women. She knew heartbreak would ensue and tried to direct her towards other persuasions, including music. Masaba eventually settled on fashion, going to SNDT University to train, and made a huge brand of herself and for herself. ''I wanted to protect her from the film industry. Initially, she was very angry with me. She would eat so much junk food. I remember my dad would call me and say matar paneer has been cooked in the house yet Masaba is bent upon eating pizza. I would understand," recalls Neena.

Everything seemed like a problem. Masaba's hair, her skin. And, says Neena, "she would constantly look at my long dark hair and my skin, and wonder why she looked different from me and her contemporaries." She was always experimenting with make-up, and calls her the queen of using cosmetics. She is not surprised that she has her beauty brand now though she is a bit surprised at its name. Neena was never a great believer in cosmetics: "I don't use moisturiser or base but things have changed. I cannot force what I believe in on her. This is a different generation, and I always want her to be her authentic self."
 
Neena believes make-up is to hide flaws in your face, it doesn't mean you just lay it on thick. With her usual mix of pragmatism and empathy she says a lot of women go out of their way to look good doing things they may regret later. "When you're young you want to attract guys and you feel the other girl is looking better. No one is attracted to your heart, it's always to externalities," she says. Even now there is so much ageism and sexism in the industry, but that is how society is. Until that changes, popular culture will continue to reflect regressiveness. And our beauty ideals will always be out of reach, and perhaps one day, out of touch with the growing reality of heterogeneity.