Body language: How Yaikhom Sushiel turned body dysmorphia into drag empowerment

Growing up, Yaikhom Sushiel had a love-hate relationship with their body. “For the longest time, I didn’t realise I felt dysmorphic throughout my childhood and dysphoric in my teen years. I would never take my shirt off in front of other people, be it friends or family, especially because people would always point out how skinny and scrawny I looked,” says Sushiel. They attended an all-boys boarding school and was made to feel the same there too. “At home, my mother wouldn’t like it when I wore round neck t-shirts because my collarbones showed. I was confused because to me they were just natural body parts that were never meant to signify anything.” As an active child who was into physical activities like dancing, biking, and athletics, Sushiel never understood what they were doing wrong to be scrutinised so much.

As they grew older, they noticed how plus-size individuals were mistreated and how being skinny was glorified in fashion. “I figured that I have a high metabolism and need to fuel myself with more calories because I burn them faster than others. I have adapted to it over the years and now eat and exercise so my weight doesn’t drop any lower. I do not have any personal body goals. I just want to stay fit regardless of my weight fluctuations.” Over the years, Sushiel found drag, creating the otherworldly persona—Dame Imfala—and learnt to love their body the way it is. “I do not feel insecure about my body parts anymore. I have learnt to love my body and treat it as my only true asset.”

As someone who’s been performing on stage since they were six, Sushiel isn’t scared of an audience. “I do not have stage fright since I was exposed to public scrutiny at an early age. I am open to constructive criticism, but thanks to my nonchalant mind, I am not easily shaken by negative comments.” Even though they’ve put in the work to be at peace with every bit of their body, they adore their waist the most for how much it goes through to create their drag persona. “I put that poor thing through so much pain when I am corseted in drag. I absolutely love the feeling when I am de-dragging and can finally breathe normally. I often feel lazy and sometimes need to drag myself out of bed to do some exercises in the morning.” But Sushiel tries their best not to lead a sedentary lifestyle. “I do not like hitting the gym or lifting heavy weights. I do enjoy going out for long walks, meditating, and practising yoga whenever I can. My yogi friends always encourage me to join them!” Sushiel also likes to run and go for a bike ride when in their hometown, Imphal. “Even though I was born in the valleys, I find solace by the sea,” Sushiel says. “The ocean truly humbles me. I love long walks on the beach, chick flicks, and fried chicken.” They also take pride in many “useless talents” apart from their very real ones, “licking my elbow is one of them,” they admit.

Lead image credit: Ankur Maniar, Saurabh Bishwas, Agnidhra Ray

This article first appeared in Harper's Bazaar India, August 2024, print edition. 

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