Six fabulous women about overturning the shelf life of beauty

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Perhaps. Over the years, however, due to repeated conditioning, indoctrinating, and redefining the term to suit vested interests, beauty became outwardly defined, confined to an exhaustive list of norms, and came with a shelf life. Coupled with the ways of our lop-sided and male-favouring world, women have, more often than not, been at the receiving end of judgments, boxed into stringent stereotypes, and goaded into conforming to one kind of beauty. This has made us forget what beauty means in the first place. So, we decided to overturn the convention. Bazaar India speaks with six women—two actors, a dancer, an actor-turned-filmmaker, a cricketer, and a model—who offer new perceptions of beauty that do not have a yardstick or an expiry date, and the kind that grows gracefully—within us and all around us.

Sheeba Chada, Actor

Sheeba Chadha takes us through her journey as an actor, and how perceptions of beauty have evolved over the years. “I remember in my home, the idea or concept of beauty was never discussed. My mother would never compliment anybody on their beauty,” she recalls. For Sheeba, the idea of beauty continues to be influenced by the various visual mediums we’re exposed to. “I feel like we are undergoing a phenomena in terms of social media, which offers paradoxes all the time. So, while there is a lot of conversation about beauty becoming inclusive and how we’re fighting our old demons and old belief patterns around the idea of what we consider beautiful, at the same time, I don’t think it has been more horrific, forbidding, and alienating to carry the idea of beauty as it is now,” she says. Sheeba says her journey with beauty and embracing every change that came with being an actor and a woman, has been a work in progress. “Now I’m at a certain age, so, I’m totally okay with the way I look. You know your body is transforming, and you’re not going to be okay with all of it. I certainly have my good days and bad days. I can never accept a compliment. So, I will not say that it is very easy for me, but it’s a natural progression with age. Sanity always dictates that the more accepting you are, the better for you and your entire well-being. You just have to constantly talk to yourself,” says Sheeba.

The Badhaai Do actor adds that she admires women who are at ease with themselves. “The danger and edginess that was attractive earlier no longer exist, it’s about ease and lightness. When I am easy and comfortable, I feel most beautiful,” she tells Bazaar India.

Nandita Das, Actor and Filmmaker 

For actor-turned-filmmaker Nandita Das, beauty is hardly as simple a term as we make it out to be. Her life experiences,  upbringing, and work have shaped and broaden her perception of beauty. “Filmmaking teaches you about life, art, and people. I like to tell stories about those who are less visible in our collective narratives, and explore relationships and emotions with all its nuances and complexities. I am fascinated by how the ambiguities of human predicaments play out. For me, that’s beautiful,” she says.

Nandita says her parents never reminded her of her skin colour or spoke about her looks. “So I didn’t grow up with that identification or complex around it. However, in my extended family, friends, and society at large, there were constant comments about it and, at times, about my crooked teeth! In India, it is difficult to escape the identity of being a dark person. When I began acting, most articles about me would begin with, “the dark and dusky Nandita Das!” Thankfully, my father, a maverick artist, and my mother, a writer who came from a Gandhian family, gave my brother and me complete freedom to define ourselves in the way we wanted to. We were told that we are what we think, what we do, how we behave and that forms our identity. Not how we look,” recalls the actor-filmmaker.

Every phase of womanhood comes with its barrage of changes—both physical and emotional. “Physical changes are inevitable and so are the perceptions around it. The only way one can protect oneself from others’ validation and critique is by being mindful and focusing on more important things, which I thankfully do! However, I would be lying if I said that surface beauty doesn’t matter at all. We all want to look beautiful, but how much do we identify with it in defining ourselves is the question. As long as we remember that we are so much more than how we look, we are fine” she adds.

Asked about ageing, Nandita says, “It is a natural process and we are all going to get old, so why worry about it? In fact, I am glad that I am as old as I am, because my life today is richer with so many experiences and, hopefully, those have made me wiser and more thoughtful as a person.” She,however, acknowledges that being a part of the film industry puts the pressure to look a certain way. “Ever since I crossed my 40s, I’ve been offered to play mother to 30-year-old men! Many older women in the industry are anxious about being stereotyped and pushed to the margins. Many end up doing invasive surgeries, botox, and filler procedures.I’m often told why I wear glasses even for important events or why I am not “taking care” of my looks. I feel it is a slippery slope, and there is no end to it. How much vanity is enough?! At what stage will we be truly comfortable in our own skin?”

Asked what makes her feel beautiful, Nandita says, “Inner and outer beauty are deeply interconnected. When you’re happy, it reflects in your smile that reaches the eye. Most genuine people have a radiant and authentic smile. At least that’s what I am drawn to. Maybe beauty does lie in the eyes of the beholder! I feel “beautiful” is a holistic word, and that’s why it is used for a sunset, a flower, a feeling, a connection, and even for a beautiful mind. To narrow it down to just looks is doing injustice to the word. Most images around us—films, hoardings, magazines,advertisements—make us feel we are not good enough. We are not represented as they all seem picture-perfect. We remain unseen. So best to focus on our interests and passions that make us feel happy and fulfilled. That is what would make us feel beautiful too.”

Mithali Raj, Cricketer 

Cricket is a religion in India—one I meticulously follow and am infinitely proud of. Of late, the women in blue have not only taken the gentleman’s game a notch above the rest, but battled stereotypes and preconceived notions—both on and off the field. Media portrayals of female athletes have often been limited to their looks, choices of clothing, hairstyle, and nail art—perpetrating a vast gender inequality. Yet, beauty goes beyond such superfluous narratives.

Cricketer and former Indian captain Mithali Raj offers an athlete’s perceptive on beauty, and feeling inherently beautiful. “Growing up as an athlete, I think people never associated us with beauty,” she says, “Because we had this strong physique, which was at that point of time perceived as very “manly”. Maybe, that’s why women in sports were never considered quintessentially beautiful. Beauty has always had these notions of femininity—at least in my generation. And we never conformed to the norms of wearing feminine clothes or walking a certain way. As athletes, we came out as confident, but never beautiful. We were considered boyish. As a result, we never considered ourselves to be beautiful either.”

A woman goes through abundant physical changes in her lifetime. For a sportsperson, these changes become more significant. “As athletes, we are very aware of our body because we work on it, whether it is training, or running. Slowly as I added years to my age, I’ve also seen the changes in my fitness levels. You find yourself getting heavier, your menstrual cycle changes, and so much more,” she says. Mithali believes that since athletes are more aware of their bodies, they also accept the changes. “If you don’t accept them, it becomes very hard. You’re always fighting it; waking up in the morning to look at others and compare your body to theirs. Honestly, I’m so thankful to my body with all the gruelling injuries I’ve put it through. Sports has one of the shortest career spans as compared to most other professions. Of course, it’s scary—physically, and emotionally. Post-retirement, I’ve had to change my wardrobe, I’ve gained weight, lost weight—seen a lot of fluctuations. As long as I’m feeling healthy from the inside, as long as I’m confident walking out into the world, I feel beautiful. I understand that I cannot have a particular size throughout my life. Nobody can,” she tells Bazaar India.

For Mithali, the conversation around beauty and female athletes has definitely changed from when she began her career. “I think it’s become more inclusive. As a society now, we’ve come to broaden our understanding of beauty. Biceps and a strong forearm are no longer seen just as masculine features. Of course, people can continue to comment, but you just need to shrug it off.”

What makes her feel beautiful? “For me, beauty is about having compassion for people around me. Life is unfair to everybody. But despite all the things that one goes through, if they can still maintain grace, and be happy and non-judgmental—that, for me, is beauty. And this is something I’m working on.”

Lillete Dubey, Actor 

We’ve been onlookers of an industry where marriage, motherhood, or crossing the age of 30 redirects mainstream female actors to the roles of mothers, aunts, and grandmothers. Beauty had an expiration, and female actors came with a shelf life. Actor Lillete Dubey faced all the trials and tribulations that came with being in the Indian film industry. But it hardly stopped her from becoming the artist she is today. “I come from a family where my mother was the epitome of beauty. But right from childhood, we were told repeatedly that beauty is not something you’re supposed to think about. Because it is something that God has given you, and not something you have earned. So please don’t go around feeling pretty, as this is not something you have achieved. And you will have to work on achieving something in life. That changes the way you look at things. So, I never obsessed about beauty, but I was always very confident,” she says. “I never took on any pressure to conform.”

So, Lillete pursued everything that she wanted with little worry about what others would think. “I did theatre, I did ramp shows…and then in my mid-40s when I was not even in my youth, I came into this business, which has a lot to do with looks. I was 46 when I joined films. I was very open about my age, I had teenage daughters for God’s sake. It liberated me from worrying about my looks or any such thing. I remember one director told me I should close the gap in my teeth, and asked me why didn’t I come when I was younger. I told him I had been busy doing theatre and raising children and when I joined films I didn’t do it to prove anything—but just to enjoy and explore another medium. Because of my age, I didn’t get into the trap of feeling that I must fix this or that. There was no sense of insecurity,” she adds.

So while she embraced every phase of womanhood, she remained hyper-aware of the stigma that existed within and beyond the film industry. “A man is not defined by his looks—unless he’s a model or something. They are defined by their success. Today, the conversation is becoming more inclusive where we are not as obsessed with youth and perfection as we once were, but women are terrified of ageing because we’re so often made to feel that looks define us, but our body and our being
goes way beyond that,” says Lillete.

Here’s how she defines beauty. “I can’t say I would define beauty regardless of physicality. I can find something very appealing in someone who’s not conventionally beautiful at all. But beyond that, I truly believe that there are many kinds of beauty. There is beauty in a person, there is beauty in listening to a piece of music, there’s beauty in a passage in literature. And, this understanding comes with age. When you’re young, you know you have youth on your side. As you get older, you understand that it’s more about the life you lead, the peace you’re at, and how kind you are. You can put make-up on and wear the most fashionable clothes, but if you’re cynical, or bitter on the inside, it shows. Of course, people go through ups and downs, but it’s how you deal with them. I think the older you get, the more gratitude you have. It’s a word we don’t use enough. The more grateful we are, the better we are going to feel.”

Apeksha Bhattacharya, Ballet dancer 

Historically, ballet as a classical dance form has often impelled ballerinas to look a certain way and be of a certain body type. But dance, like all other art forms, cannot be exclusive. It must be felt and experienced by all regardless of narrowed-down definitions of beauty and perfection. “As a dancer, more so in the art of ballet, there is an unending fixation on body image and sizes,” says ballet dancer, teacher, and entrepreneur Apeksha Bhattacharya. “Female ballerinas are expected to be of ectomorphic body type—tall and slim, and have lesser body mass. This was, and is still, very crucial in succeeding as a ballerina and for the aesthetics. To maintain this, ballerinas limit their food consumption, and this can have a traumatic effect on injuries and recovery. When the ratio of food intake versus the amount of workload is unbalanced, our body is deprived of energy. Dancers and ballerinas are expected to “dance like fairies”, “float in the clouds”—such presumptions can cause irreversible damage, both mentally and physically.”

Throughout her journey, Apeksha witnessed subtle discrimination and stereotypical notions associated with ballet. “The word “beauty” at most times leads you to think about appearances. In ballet, beauty is how you present on stage, it is beautiful to have tall bodies, long legs, long necks, and slimmer arms. This is how a ballerina must present herself on stage. Watching a ballet performance, does the audience ever think of who the dancer is, what her inner thoughts are, and what she is as a person offstage?” asks Apesksha.

The ballerina says her passion for dance science led her to search for inclusivity in the art form. “In her initial days as a professional ballerina, Misty Copeland—one of the first African-American ballerinas in the US— had to colour her ballet shoes with foundation to match her skin tone. It is only now that ballet shops stock ballet shoes of all colours. I remember in my initial days as a ballet teacher, I used to expect my students to wear light pink stockings to a ballet class, a norm that has been universally followed for centuries. I realised much later that it is important for me to advocate the acceptance of our ethnic background. We are Indians, we need to be proud of our skin colour,” Apeksha adds.

Despite it all, and perhaps because of it, Apeksha’s lessons in beauty, come first and foremost from dance. “I always tell others it takes madness to wear those ballet shoes and dance on the tip of your toes. The commitment is unparalleled and why would we go through this every week? But, why not? Being in the dance studio, teaching our bodies to move a certain way, finding deeper sensations of our anatomy, trying to find the right knowledge to avoid injuries, going up on stage and being under the spotlight and displaying our expressions—all of these require hard work, resilience, self-belief, and constant motivation, but the journey is worthwhile. Dance does not just create dancers, but gives us life skills. This is my embodiment of true lasting beauty,” she says.

Gita Prakash, Doctor and model

Imagine this: you’re a doctor who has dreamt of being on a billboard or the glossy pages of a magazine all your life. “I was 57-years-old when I did my first shoot for
Tarun Tahiliani,” recalls Gita Prakash. “When I saw the models, I thought, “my god, how gorgeous are they?” They were all in the age group of 23-24, and they were all slightly made up, and I remember thinking, ‘that’s a model’. Then I looked at myself, and thought what am I doing here? But it was the most amazing experience— because you dreamt of all these things as a young girl.More than that, it did really change my perception of looks and beauty. Of course, I was awestruck by how gorgeous those models were. But I realised that, so often, we only think of models at a particular age group, size, and features. That changed when I did this.”

The bonus? She has wholeheartedly and—gracefully, might we add—embraced ageing and all that it comes with. “I love the age I am at. I feel as you grow older, you
become more confident and mature. When they wanted me for the shoot, I was so scared and apprehensive. What was I going to do there, how could I leave the house and go? And my daughter was so supportive. I believe all women are beautiful. I’m glad that a lot of older women have started coming into modelling. My only message to all women out there would be, do whatever you want, because this is the time you can enjoy yourself.”

Of course, it wasn’t always like this. “When we were younger, there was this typical definition of beauty—fair, long hair, big eyes. I didn’t care about how I looked. I was a flower child, and we did nothing except make daisy chains and hang them around. We never really thought of being beautiful in the conventional sense,”  says Gita. Over the years, however, her understanding of beauty deepened. “Beauty is not only skin-deep. If you’re healthy, you’re automatically beautiful. But beauty is also in the mind. If you’re a good human being, it always shines through. I think you have to believe in yourself and do what you really enjoy. At our age, we are done with our responsibilities and looking after everybody. It’s time to do something for ourselves. As long as you are happy inside, it always shows outside.”

What makes her feel beautiful today? “I think I just wake up every day and I say thank you God for another beautiful day. I just feel that I’m so fortunate. Gratitude makes me feel beautiful.”

 

Image credit:Arjun Kamath,Yash Kinger

This article originally appeared in Harper's Bazaar India, April-May 2024 print issue.

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